Ruminations on a Sacrifice
by EveryHonestEffort
Summary: The Just and the Valiant have a much needed talk. Oneshot, complete.


Take my life and let it be

It was the day before the anniversary of their coronation. Cair Paravel was bustling both in the castle and outside around the gardens. A ball was to be held tomorrow night in celebration, with foreign dignitaries visiting for their congratulations. The stuffy formalities would be handled during the day, and the ball would be nothing but joyous celebration of locals. Currently, a less formal social was being held for the early guests and practicing musicians.

There was no joy on the high balcony overlooking the castle grounds. Edmund the Just stood gazing outwardly while his thoughts cycled through the past and present.

"What brings you here away from the celebration, brother?"

The youngest queen of Narnia strolled out to join him. Hands came to rest lightly on the stonework as she savoured the breeze, a contrast to the warmth in the ballroom. A moment of silence ensued as the young royal beside her gathered his thoughts.

"It's been eight years from when we were crowned, Lu."

Upon hearing the informal address, Lucy closed her eyes. Edmund was a deep thinker, a mind exploring all perspectives for the truth. This was not always welcome when he was the voice against popular opinion, but it was what made him the Just. He had learned when to withhold his thoughts and what was suitable for discussion in court. Here though, in the intimacy of sibling in a private space, he could simply be himself and share what was running through his mind. Lucy would listen and seek to understand what caused his isolation this night.

"Yes Ed, it has been."

"Eight years from our battle against the witch," he continued, pausing in contemplation. "Eight years from Aslan's sacrifice for me, which you graciously informed me of."

The only sounds to be heard were the slight whistling of wind past their ears and a hint of music from the ballroom below.

"But why…why did he do it Lu? What did I do to deserve his death my place? I was traitor, I was selfish. I deserved punishment. _I deserved death_."

Building up to his last sentence, his voice grew in intensity, though not volume. It rang out against stone and dissipated, the breeze carrying it to places yet undiscovered.

The Valiant exhaled, half a sigh. "Do you feel guilty Ed?"

He gave a scoff, though it wasn't directed at her. "Ever since that day. Why did Aslan choose to take my place?"

When no reply came – and mind you, the Just was patient – he turned to his companion. He immediately stilled, momentarily forgetting himself.

"Lu?"

The younger queen stared out, unseeing. Her hands were pale, gripping the balcony with unprecedented intensity. Edmund reached out, by no means certain, but paused with a hand over her shoulder when she spoke.

"Did you know Susan and I were there that night, Ed?"

Her breaths were deliberate, slow deep inhales filling her whole frame.

"We watched the whole, horrid thing. They were so afraid when he first went in, you know. They were tentative about tying him up, but from there they were crueler and crueler. It was so humiliating, the way they tied and shaved him bare. They didn't _need_ to…it was all from pure spite. They kept on jeering at him, calling him a pussy cat."

Edmund took his hovering hand and placed it down, wrapping an arm around her. He squeezed her against him, for her comfort or his, he was not sure. Lucy's expression was still distant, and had taken on a deep-seated anguish, a startling contrast to the Valiant's usual joy.

"We couldn't bear to see the actual moment. And we had to wait until they were all gone to go to him. He looked – oh, he was trussed up and bleeding and still – he was beautiful, he was still Aslan, even in death."

Lucy's hands had released the stonework at some point and come together in a defensive clasp. The faintest of tremors were the only tell besides her face, belying her emotions.

"He _chose_ you. He must of thought of you as worth it, no?"

She felt the deep inhale of the body beside her, exhaled then repeated.

"But what worth do I have, compared to his pain?"

The younger relaxed her muscles and settled into the arm holding her.

"Doesn't that make it all the more beautiful? The choice was made Ed, will you chose to accept it? Was his humiliation in vain? Did he die only to have his efforts rejected by you?"

"No, of course I accept it. I have this life, right? I have yet to completely understand his sacrifice though."

After a pause, Lucy turned to face her brother, placing hands upon his shoulders up on tip toe. The elder Pevensie obediently lowered to have a kiss laid upon his forehead.

"I know Ed. I did not tell you in our first year of reign expecting you to comprehend it right away. I am sure you will understand it a little better soon. And perhaps a little more, further into the future. For now, just know that Aslan chose you and loves you that much. Do not dwell on your guilt, but celebrate and receive that he did die in place of you. Live well, is that not the best way to thank him?"

His mouth twitched at the optimism. "I will do my best, dear sister."

The Valiant bounced on her toes, joy bubbling forth once again. "Come, I am sure our elders are wondering why we left them with all the bothersome preparations."

Arm in arm, the siblings walked back to the staircase. They did not notice the lamb in their vicinity looking up as they passed by, but left the landing. Once it was just the breeze and steady stone, the lamb grew, taking on a golden hue as he shook his head, releasing a wild mane of hair.

The lion stood with full strength and majesty, eyes on where his crowned had left.

"Soon you will understand in full, child."


End file.
